A couple of nights ago, at the end of the day, as I we laid down in his bed together – with my arms around him and his body at just the right degree of uprightness to stop the coughing so he could fall asleep – I let the extreme tiredness begin to creep into my body too.  However, my mind wouldn’t stop running around in circles with different things that I could possibly try tonight, or tomorrow, that would help him to feel better and get through it all the faster.  I was totally stuck in my mind and that “doing” mode that it’s so easy to get caught in.  As soon as I became aware of where my mind was on auto-pilot, I said “Wait, you know what to do.  This is what you DO, little miss healer.” I was immediately brought to the concept that everything is energy.  I got out of the thinking loop and went to the place that every cell in my body knows as reality and where my mind, with a lot of training, has learned to trust.  I asked myself “What is the way to heal this, energetically?”  Well, with LOVE of course.

I instantly accessed that place deep inside my chest – that is so easy for me to find these days, unlike 4 years ago when it was nearly impossible to find that frequency within my body no matter how hard I tried – and began to consciously work on letting it expand outwardly.  I visualized it filling up my whole body, begin to spread around my son, and then all through the room.  I held that feeling and intention for as long as I could.  Whenever my mind started to wander I would bring myself back to that place.  Soon, he was sleeping calmly and I crept out of the room.

As we laid down together tonight I immediately brought myself into the love space and felt grateful.  While my son was falling asleep, I contemplated how amazing this life is and how what we really are here to do is learn about the healing energy of love.  Why is it so healing?  Because it is our true source and when we are connected to that there can be nothing amiss.  I also let the fleeting thoughts come in about how love can cause so much pain, such as what we experience during a heartbreak (loss of relationship, death of a loved one, etc.). I was immediately aware that this is ultimately healing in it’s own way, and the souls we go through these experiences with are our greatest supporters (as we are theirs) in our spirit’s quest for understanding true love.  We experience pain to help us clear that which no longer serves us on our journey, just like a fever helps us to clear a virus that is affecting our physical body. Pain urges us to continue forward in our journey by demanding that we let go and move toward a more brilliant light – never ending steps on the ladder towards the highest love.  Experiencing darkness so we can truly see the light.

When my son uttered “mommy love you” as he drifted off to sleep I felt a surge in that energetic space that I was holding us in and immediately felt validated.  Perhaps I’m doing something right on this current journey that I’m on – otherwise known as the great love lesson called mommyhood.  Happy Mother’s Day to me!

When I was younger, I clearly remember some of the adults in my life taking big exhales during times of stress, and being the empathic child that I was I quickly absorbed all the “yuck” they were exhaling as if I were an extra absorbant sponge. As one might guess, it didn’t feel so good. I remember at one point making a conscious decision that I would try very hard never to make noise when I breathed so as not to affect others around me.

Fast forward 20 years and I quite frequently found myself feeling my body all locked up, headachy, stiff, unenergized, etc. It took me several years to realize part of why I felt so terrible was because my breaths had turned into shallow inhales, and only when absolutely neccessary. Eventually, I finally made the connection that the decision I had vividly made when I was a child, to take silent breaths, had turned into something so much more. I had completely pushed any consciousness out of the way I was feeding my body what it needs to support not only my cells, but also my spirits’ ability to connect into my physical being.

When I started my meditation practice and began taking classes at the Center I would frequently hear the teachers taking loud intentional breathes to incite the students to do the same. This was something I resisted, even then, sitting in meditation giving to no one other than myself. Once I began thinking about being a teacher I remember thinking “Yea, but I’m not going to take those loud breaths for everyone to hear, I just can’t do that!”

During my clairvoyant training our class was going to have a group breath session led by Juli Somers, and I was in so much resistance to it that I actually, unconsciously, manifested a 102 degree fever and had to miss class. Once I finally started to put things together I realized how much I dreaded allowing myself to release during intentional breaths, especially when there were others around, and I decided to schedule a breath session with Juli. This was an event that changed my life. These sessions, where one releases whatever they are holding at an unconcious level, via guided and intentional non-stop breathing for an hour, quickly became very addictive for me. I utilized this form of release throughout my pregnancy and am so thankful for how it helped me to move through things that I was working on during this time.

Even today, as I understand how important the breath is for the mind, body, spirit connection’s health, I still find myself holding on and resisting those glorious lung movements when things get frantic. So, daily I am trying to catch myself when I feel my chest contracting and take a pause to take a deep breath in and then loudly exhale.

Unlike when I was a child surrounded by those wise adults who knew that they needed to purposely breathe to work through their stress, but unwise in the knowledge that they were blowing it right into my path, I strive to breathe in an intentional manner. I utilize my energy awareness tools, to ensure that I am not expelling what I am releasing to those around me who might unknowingly absorb it, as I did when I was a child.

My intentional breathing has now become something that actually evokes delightful giggles from my son. Hooray for breaking old patterns! Ahhhhhh…..